CofEQ Current Top Ten

 CofEQ Current Top Ten
Answers to the Eternal Question

CofEQ Research & Development Department
A significant aspect of the Church's work is the funding of research into the Eternal Question (not many people realise that the CofEQ funds 20% of the American space programme). There is a negligible and minuscule department (Research & Development) within the Church staffed by boffins, weirdoes, and un-sexy, morose, reclusive types who assess bids for grants, bursaries, interest free loans, and other packages (which contribute very little to the Church's overall financial performance).

Applications are invited from archaeologists, physicists, astronomers and the like who believe that they may be on to something. All submissions will be vetted by a panel from the R&D department and then passed on to the Board for deliberation at the Synod "Top Ten" meetings. The department is headed up by Dr Homer Simpson (Phd Hons, University of Convenience, Panama). He keeps a tight rein on expenditure and is ever alert to possibilities for cost cutting. "We can't just let them waste good money" says Dr Simpson. The Church Synod meets irregularly to determine the running order of the proposed answers to the Eternal Question as submitted by the R&D Department. The current listing is as follows.

Theory Ten
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, May /89:3 for1 against
.....to be happy and to be nice to everybody.

Theory Nine
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, May /89:3 for1 against
.....to be miserable and suffer and to extend suffering to others.

Theory Eight
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, May /89:3 for1 against
......to plant trees.

Theory Seven
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, April 1 /96:3 for1 against
.....to produce motor cars.

Theory Seven (Supplemental)
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, April 1 /96:3 for1 against
.....to produce motor cars in order to convert planetary stocks of crude oil into carbon monoxide and hydro carbons for use by an extra-planetary species as yet unknown to us.

Theory Six
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, May /89:3 for1 against
......to have orgasms.

Theory Five
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, May /89:3 for1 against
.....to achieve non-mechanically assisted flight.

Theory Four
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, April 1 /96:3 for1 against
.....to serve the real dominant species, wheat, and to assist in its evolution and proliferation.

Theory Three
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, April 1 /96:3 for1 against
.....to serve as a receptacle of Light.

Theory Two
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, April 1 /96:3 for1 against
.....to act as an organic vehicle for the supernatural being known as Language.

And still in the number one position after all this time,

Theory One
by a vote of the CofEQ Synod, May /89:3 for1 against *
.....to develop human communication
in order to refine and maintain 
the Common Understanding.

* In all instances, the negative vote was cast by Dr Simpson who stressed the importance of making use of the expenses-paid overnight accommodation and room service retained in the event of a hung Synod. 

 Answer Registration 

If you would like to propose your own theory as to the answer to the Eternal Question, please click on the email box below. Your proposals will be considered in due course (along with the many others we receive) by the Church Synod. If the Synod looks favourably upon your suggestion, it may be considered for placement in the Top Ten. If not, it may be placed on the Parishioners' Answers  list where ordinary Parishioners the world over will be able to vote on it if they so wish. Please remember, as well, that you are invited to vote on the current Top Ten now. Simply specify which of those listed is your preferred answer to the Eternal Question, and the CofEQ IT department will duly log and process your preference. This will have an influence on the listing when the Synod next meets to review the Order of Priority.